These days I feel pulled in several directions for this blog. Should I write about the funny and heartwarming things that happen to me with my kids in the classroom or of my meandering thoughts about life or the funny but generally not heartwarming (more awkward, exciting, distressing or sexy) adventures in dating? It’s leading to some serious writer’s block. I feel inhibited at the thought of navigating various value systems that I might or might not necessarily share.
Which causes me to return to a subject I was pondering while at a book cafe a few days ago. What percentage of the things we do and say are based on an identity that we once clothed ourselves in -regardless if we’ve outgrown the outfit? When one travels, you have the opportunity to present whomever you want to that set of people. This is liberating in a way and I have availed myself of this perk many times thanks to my wandering feet. However, there are still some aspects of what I espoused that I hadn’t reevaluated until… I joined an online dating site thanks to some wacky friends in Seoul and abroad. I started to fill in the same answers that I do for every social media site and then I thought “I can put what I really think on here. No one knows who I am or even my name and if I want to be matched up with truly compatible people then I need to be candid. I began asking myself “What do I really like and what have I always said I liked due to a bid for popularity or inclusion into a certain identity that flattered my ego?” And the lists began. Trying to let go of anything I included because I was aware of my audience and only putting down things that I truly connected to. There were some surprises!
So I left this blog entry for a few days (similar to leaving a sensitive letter under your pillow for three days before sending it) to see if it would sprout wings and fly away or slink down the stairs in a flash of metallic sheen but it hasn’t gone anywhere. And I don’t have a better answer about what this blog should be. Which in the end is quite fitting.